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[18 Jul 2007|02:43am] |
here's a rough sketch of what my tattoo will look like.
i'm not getting the nitrogen symbol, that was just an idea that artist had and he wanted to throw it into the sketch for fun.
the colors will be natural colors, greens and reds mostly.
so yea, what do you think?
sketch by colten smith of modern body;sacramento
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[10 May 2007|10:59pm] |
Intolerance for the Intolerant
I'm in a Communications class here at Sac State called Argumentation. During the course of this semester each student has had to give 4 speeches. For our 4th and final speech we had to get a partner and select a topic in which to debate. One group chose to debate the controversial subject of gay marriage. The first speaker, a girl, was for legalizing gay marriage in America. Her supporting reasons for her argument were pretty standard and included the Declaration of Independence's "All men are created equal" line and various points about how outlawing same sex marriage is a restriction on basic human rights. Nothing she said was groundbreaking but what new needs to be said about it? It kinda seems like people either "get it" or they don't. Her partner and opposition, a guy, debated that same sex marriage should be outlawed. Now, I don't have a problem with someone speaking their opinion on something like this, even if I disagree with them. I can respect most any opinion if they can support their postion in a respectable manner. That being said, I was not able to respect her partner's opinion. This guy spewed the most hateful, ultra-conservative, evangelical, right wing bullshit ignorance I had ever heard. Most of his speech consisted of the "because the bible says so" argument that seems to be the only thing people can say against homosexuality. He ended his speech by saying something to the likeness of "I know that when you're older, if you have to send your kid to preschool, and you find out the teacher's gay, you're going to think twice about sending your kid there because you don't know what might happen there. Trust me, when you're older you'll think that, it's just going to happen."...Wow. I sat in the back of that class completely dumbfounded at what I had just heard. I really had to fight the urge to walk out. It was really hard to hear such a pathetic manner of thinking, but I stayed for fear of alienating my teacher and looking like an ass. It's too bad that I know that this type of thinking will live on far longer than myself. I just hope people that favor those views will become the vast minority,...and the quicker the better.
Much love,
~Dante
P.S.- I'm open to all discussion on the subject so please feel free to comment. Let's go deep.
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[07 May 2007|08:14pm] |
we are not enemies.
i don't know why you have to be so combative.
i love you.
i don't get it. . .
we are not enemies.
compromise > selfishness ?
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[28 Apr 2007|08:06am] |
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mother fucking draft time mother fucker.
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[11 Apr 2007|12:44am] |
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i'm trying really damn hard tog et this damn apartment thing to work out, and it keeps getting harder and harder. hopefully tomorrow is promising.
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[14 Mar 2007|02:12am] |
why couldn't you come back and just fall asleep with me?
cause that would have solved everything to quickly?
that's all i wanted. so simple.
f**k! i don't think i'll sleep a wink tonight. which sucks since i work from 2-10 tomorrow.
but moreso because i'll only be thinking of one thing constantly.
yes, if i could take it back i would.
but i can't, of course....
now people will think i'm crazy, and i think i'm a little crazy.
why am i so stubborn?
why can't i be laying down with her right now?
should i go up and try to talk to her?
should i wait til tomorrow....
oh can i wait for so long?
is it possible to love something too much?
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[10 Mar 2007|12:35pm] |
i'm really just wanting 2 things right now: Brenna and a beer.
All in due time I guess.. :)
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[08 Mar 2007|01:14am] |
i'm not sold on it. critiques?
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[01 Mar 2007|02:40pm] |
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why must i have class when i have so much music going through my head and hands?
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[01 Mar 2007|12:43am] |
doesn't take long to feel lonely. can't imagine how i'll feel in a year. but she's going to do what she's going to do, and i'm going to let her.
i know it won't turn out how she says it will. but i still hope it does.
EDIT: i need to have more faith. if she says that she still wants a future, than i have to believe her. i have to trust than she can get to that point of knowing what she wants...at that point in time down the road...and still want what she had way back when. i hope growing up doesn't mean moving on. i hope it means we grow together.
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[17 Feb 2007|12:28am] |
i love brenna cutting more than i love air.
i want my baby now.
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[13 Feb 2007|01:32am] |
I don't care how much jibberish she talks in her sleep.
I love Brenna Cutting to death.
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[10 Feb 2007|01:56am] |
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fucking...i just hate some fucking people.
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[06 Feb 2007|11:20pm] |
this is beautiful.
"eternal embrace"
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[04 Feb 2007|03:05pm] |
the super bowl's about to start and i'm writing case briefs...ugh.
wish me luck that Dimple Records calls tomorrow.
please.
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[02 Feb 2007|12:38pm] |
oh this is just too awesome
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[02 Feb 2007|01:48am] |
i'm such a lucky boy.
and i am incredibly forever in love with this ( girl )
:)
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[31 Jan 2007|02:05pm] |
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i fucking hate chalk and it's board counterpart.
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[15 Jan 2007|01:07am] |
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for you i'd bleed myself dry.
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| resolutions |
[03 Jan 2007|11:25am] |
so i'm a few days late, but it's better late than never.
here's just a few of my new year's resolutions for 2007.
– i will believe in myself
– i won't put myself down
– i won't dwell on my flaws, but focus on my positive attributes
– i won't hate my body, i will appreciate it and nurture it.
– i will do everything in my power to ensure that i am happy, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else
– i will do everything in my power to prove that i am a good person capable of being an amazing boyfriend
– i will be more trusting
– i will be more laid back, without giving up determination or my drive to succeed
– i will stay away from people who can only deter my hopes for accomplishing these goals
– i will not give this up
––––more to possibly be added later––––
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[02 Jan 2007|09:22am] |
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I've been camping. Have you noticed? This is via sidekick and a pain to do cause I have no service anywhere. Anyways, its fun. I'll be home tuesday around 3. I hope maybe she calls. I really miss her.
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[31 Dec 2006|11:30pm] |
so i'm going camping tonight and i'm coming back tuesday.
it's not quite the canada or nashville getaway i was hoping for, but it will definitey do.
happy new year's everyone.
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[29 Dec 2006|11:47am] |
i decided that i have a split personality. sometimes i'm a favreau and sometimes i'm a vaughn.
my favreau leaves me depressed and hurt. my vaughn hurts others and turns me into a favreau.
i am so sorry.
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[28 Dec 2006|11:44am] |
if you need to get over something, watch the movie swingers.
it's good shit.
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[27 Dec 2006|10:48am] |
hey, happy birthday, right?
i guess i got exactly what i needed.
i'd say it was more valuable than anything else i could've gotten.
so here come the new what ifs.
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[23 Dec 2006|12:28pm] |
so here's to a great first night home.
goodnight all. :)
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[21 Dec 2006|07:10am] |
ok, so here's the new rule: if you are passing someone you know, and you don't intend to carry out a conversation with them, you are not allowed to ask them how they are.
WELL JESUS CHRIST I'M ALONE AGAIN
why the fuck do people do that? of course whoever is asked is always gonna say "good" and both people will continue walking. the person asking would just feel inconvenienced if the other person said anything but "good". what if you passed me and asked how i was and i said pretty bad?
SO WHAT DID YOU DO THOSE THREE DAYS YOU WERE DEAD?
unless you are a real good friend of mine you are most likely going to just be like, "aw that sucks, sorry" and continue walking. the person asking doesn't want to hear if you're not well, they don't care, so why do they ask?
CAUSE THIS PROBLEM'S GONNA LAST
don't get me wrong, i've been guilty of this myself, but i've recognized it as a problem and i am prepared to put an end to it.
MORE THAN THE WEEKEND.
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[20 Dec 2006|09:59am] |
it's weird how i feel like there's just too much to handle, and yet, i look forward to the oppurtunities i have. i don't know if i'm happy or not though. a part of me has seemingly died in both myself and someone else. i'd rather just be dead to me than dead to someone else. being dead to someone else hurts so much more. so do i accept that i can't change that? do i fight it? yea, i don't know. anyway. i guess i'll go cliche and "focus on the positive". i have good friends. probably more than i deserve. as far as i know a lot of people here like me. they probably just don't know me very well yet haha. i also am doing well in school. and i like the schedule i got lined up for next semester. in between now and then there's christmas break, which will be interesting and an experience if nothing else. (more on that later). what else...well, i guess now that i'm "free" (ugh.) i can explore and do more or whatever. that's a double-edged sword though. the freedom and range of oppurtunities is astonishing and many things are piquing (word?) my interest. on the other hand i am reminded of why i'm doing these things and that brings me down.
WE'RE THE UNICORNS, WE'RE MORE THAN HORSES, WE'RE THE UNICORNS AND WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
so back to the dealio. back to my friends. or maybe more importantly potential friends. there are many people here in both the dorms and all of sac that i don't know as well as i should. my friend stuart is a very friendly guy, he knows people, and people tell him things. some of those things he passes on to me and a few of those things really make my ears perk. but again, the immature giddiness i feel when i hear that someone think's i'm cute/hot/whatever is also a reminder that i can actually be interested in whomever. you'd think i'd want to jump all over something like that but a part of me wishes i didn't have the option of acting on anything, because part of me wishes i was confined in love still. oh well, other fish in the sea right? lol. aww analogies.
REMOVE YOUR ABCESS.....THEY SAY IT'S CANCER
kerrie just walked in the study room (where i've been the past 2 hours) to chat. she's a cool cat. i like making new friends and meeting new people. i'm pretty good at it too unless they're super hot and i like them. when i'm around those people i just get compared to eric foreman. if you didn't know, foreman is not the smoothest cat around. i'll work on it though. man i wished i worked out. fit people are loved so much more than unfit people. if i had some guns i could get sweet tats that i know everyone would cream over. but i'm not kidding myself. i am not going to start working out. and i'm not going to get any tats on any sweet guns. oh well, it'd be cool though.
BIGGIE SMALLS SOUNDS LIKE A DRILL
hmm that kinda make me think that i just need to be happy with me, right? i know, cliche again...but it wouldn't hurt to like myself. but the question is, do i like myself as i am? or do i make myself into something i'm more likely to like? yea, you tell me. i don't even know what i want to be though. i mean, i see people, guys specifically, and i know whether or not they're "cooler" or "hotter" than me. but i dont know how to be neither cooler nor hotter. so i'm kinda fucked. what type of person do i want to be? what style do i want to fit in to? i know these are immature questions but i hate being bland. i hate being in the middle. not a dork. not a loser. but nothing anyone else would aspire to be...
sorry for any typos, i did not proof read.
but i doubt anyone read any or all of this.
it's ok i guess. i don't know what i'd expect anyone to say about it anyway. it was just all random vomit-like words.
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[06 Dec 2006|09:06am] |
I'm totally getting one of these. And when I do, I will rock it hard.
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| entropically yours |
[03 Dec 2006|04:32pm] |
WE are the steam that rises from blood that boils O-
ver iraqi fields of dead and blackened soil
yea you guessed right, we aren't fans of war for oil
but hey, who knows? why do they fight?
let me put this out there that you can't put us out
a fire raging inside, every protester SHOUT OUT LOUD!
if it is this ground you want than i won't even budge
cause when it comes to injustices you have us all fucked
you've shown you are a betting man so yes yes place your bet
that every line in this anthem can be considered a threat
a situation, so delicate, requiring too many medikits
look at you you're building a memorial for my friends, new vets
we won't give an inch!
we won't step back!
WE. MARCH. FORWARD!
then. we... attack!
we are steam, we're always rising
we will dream, of no more fighting
until or dream is realized and
and we can all be free again
we rode through rollercoater loops
you can't bring back lives but you can troops
better hurry, they're bringing in more steel
the construction's expanding to the real
we won't give an inch!
we won't step back!
WE. MARCH. FORWARD!
then. we... attack!
WE are the steam that rises from blood that boils O-
ver iraqi fields of dead and blackened soil
yea you guessed right, we aren't fans of war for oil
but hey, who knows? why do they fight?
we won't give an inch! (we are steam, we're always rising)
we won't step back! (we will dream, of no more fighting)
WE. MARCH. FORWARD! (until our dream is realized and)
then. we... attack! (we can all be free again)
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[16 Nov 2006|10:31am] |
Ok so my class at noon is cancelled today (thursday).
with all this free time i think i'm going to cut my hair.
question is though, how do i get it done?
either just clean up the back of my head/neck are and trim the top a little
or
go back to some form of short haired hawk thing.
any suggestions?
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[15 Nov 2006|10:02pm] |
I'm watching Sebastian, my goldfish, die.
:'-(
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| crashing |
[10 Nov 2006|08:58pm] |
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music |
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slowly, through a vector |
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it's bad enough that he had her.
it's worse that her mom wanted it that way.
and that she told me he was better than i was for her daughter.
for some reason i can't stop thinking about that.
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[09 Nov 2006|04:34am] |
you're right. my bad.
instead i should just broadcast every fight we have on here becuase it's not between me and you, it's for the world to know.
this'll be fun.
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[03 Nov 2006|02:00pm] |
aww yes. guitaring outdoors in the rain at 2 in the morning is basically as good as it gets.
opinion poll: should i cut my hair or keep letting it grow out? let me know what you think.
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[07 Aug 2006|09:09am] |
things were really bad. maybe the worse they've ever been.
but i think they're better now. not perfect, not all the way yet.
but things are definitely improving.
there's just a lot of unknowns still.
and only you can make them known to me.
in other news, yesterday i, accompanied by brenna, journeyed to hooters in sacramento.
it took us a while and a bout 8 u-turns to find it, but we did, and it was glorious.
we sat at a booth all the way in the corner for optimal viewing and observation.
there were many hot waiteresses, unfortunately none of them waited on us.
our waitress wasn't a beast or anything, she just couldn't compete with the others.
my favorite one i affectionately nicknamed "jiggles" as her hooters jiggled much as she walked (she walked fast). she also had cleavage practically up to her neck. she was hot too. not fat, not old, not fake. she was just a real. jigglin. hottie.
so while eating there i glanced at the menu and noticed that there was ANOTHER HOOTERS in sacramento. well duh, we knew what we had to do, it was a must that we had dessert at the other hooters. the second one was a little more "hip" because there were a lot more young people there but they didn't have anyone on the level of jiggles. but really, who does?
(by the way, so i don't seem like a cheauvanist [sp?] pig, brenna was just as excited abut it as me. lol)
since the second hooters was right across the street from the arden fair mall we walked over there and spent a good two hours roaming, much of it in zumiez. thanks to brenna's ties to the company i was able to walk away with some mighty fine merchandise at a rather reduced rate. (thanks babe!)
so since i'm at work and i need to kill all the time i can, here's what i got.
SHOES
SHIRT
GLASSES
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[16 Jul 2005|07:58pm] |
Welcome Home
thats the only song I've listened to the past three days. and i think it's the only song i'll listen to until september 20th.
if you don't already know, that's when the new coheed cd is coming out.
it is entitled:
good apollo, i'm burning star IV
volume one: from fear through the eyes of madness
this will be a long two months...
so now brenna's coming to pick me up so i can go with her to drop mel off at phyl's.
could life be any sweeter?
i got a paycheck! $432. it kinda gives working a purpose.
as adam would say: "sweet pajamas"
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[11 Jul 2005|09:37pm] |
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brand new-logan to government center |
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BAM! no work today. that's two days in a row! and oh it feels good! since brenna also didn't have to work "we" decided to go to berekely for the day. she woke me up with a phone call around 9:30. after some convincing she got me to get up and take a shower. she came by around i don't, around 10:30 and we left for BART. bart was cool, brenna took some most embarassing pics of me (thanks!) and laughed and laughed. so we get to berekely, and the first thing we do is eat since we are both starving! god damn that fat slice place is good. so after that we commenced to walk. and walk. and walk. then we turned around. and walked. and walked. i didn't buy anything. anything that i wanted was either rediculously expensive (urban outfitters) or they didn't have my size.
the internet always has my size
brenna though, managed to spend pretty much all she had. haha i wasn't surprised. i'm sure she'll tell you all about that in her next update. by the time we got back to the bart station we both had to pee like never before. could we? nope. due to their heightened level of security all bart restrooms were closed. WTF?! so once we FINALLY found her car (A-HEM! lol) we headed for any public restroom. we got to a kfc and peed, then i couldn't resist the urge for popcorn chicken. i passed out at brennas. a few times. after a nice back rub she took me home and we hung out for a while. so all in all it was a pretty good day.
 word
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[07 Jul 2005|12:14am] |
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music |
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RAGE-fistfull of steel |
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it was absolutely beautiful, beautiful.
you make me beautifully absolute.
it's been almost a week since my last update. and it might as well be longer because i don't have anything to say. my summer has still been all work. today was the worst. it was supposed to be an easy day, just 3 and a half hours, but oh no, that's too good for me. i was originally scheduled to work from 9am-12:30 for "WACKY WEDNESDAY!", a little fun day for kids but yesterday i agreed to cover for the first 2 hours of haley's shift. just 2 hours, i thought, not much time and ill be home around 3. heh, not quite.
when i got to the park i helped put up a few signs and then just waited around in the guard room for an order or instructions. i was told that i'd be at the bubble station where kids can blow bubbles. well let me tell you this, when slides and duck races are around kids don't really give a shit about bubbles. so i didn't stay there long. i walked around, talked to people, and enjoyed a go at being a sno-cone bitch. i was then told to man the watermelon race. that was one of the grossest yet strangely amusing things ive ever had to do. let's just say that vegetable shortening is disgusting yet strangely arousing.
guarding from 12:45-2:45 was boring as guarding always is. i did notice that i'm becoming much shorter with kids. i ain't afraid to backhand a bitch if you get what i mean. and if you don't get what i mean then i'll explain it. i meant that i'd hit a kid. seriously, if you didn't get it, i mean come on, it wasn't even like a metaphor or anything. dumbass.
at about 2:55 devin (the head guard) came out and told me that haley could't come in for reasons that are not any of mine nor your business. so the point of this all is that i didn't get to leave until 4. yea, it's more money, but i'm getting burnt out. and just for the record, i do understand that the inconvenience of me having to stay at work longer does not come close to comparing to what haley is dealing with.
on a lighter note the new coheed cd is almost here! (sep 20th i just confirmed)
maybe a digital camera would be a good buy with my first paycheck (whenever it gets here)..what do you think? it would definitely brighten up these updates.
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[29 Jun 2005|11:08pm] |
i want you to tell me
to walk up to or write me
i know the things i've done
say you want them all undone
but you let it pass right through you
you have your image to maintain
oh that is so just like you
oh that is so just like you
the mask you wear is on so tight
one small glimpse of those eyes
trying so hard to be a stranger
you can still be you inside
but please keep acting like you are
completely unaffected by this
what are you getting from this
i'd ask but i'm done begging
so let me forgive you
let me forgive you
let me say that it's ok
you're not numb to feeling
just because your back is turned
we're not beyond repair
just because one bridge was burned
take a step and turn around
take your eyes off the floor
here is what we're wating for
here's what we've been waiting for
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[28 Jun 2005|10:33pm] |
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music |
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comedy-mitch hedberg |
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am i too good to be true
have i been too good to you
i don't think so/(i never saw it that way)
but obviously you do
so i will stop being too good too often
i'll stop listening to all your problems
and when it's clear that you need me
i'll make sure that i'm not there
because this is what you want
you told me so clearly
don't think i dont know
how strange good friends can be
i understand you need to move on
no one wants to be friends for too long
i apologize for caring so much
didn't know that it was so wrong
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[24 Jun 2005|04:44pm] |
where did we go wrong?
how was it not perfect?
did we let something pass us by?
has it been too long
for us to change it?
is it worth this sleepless night?
i just want to know for sure
these thoughts are haunting
were you ever thinking the same things
as everything i said?
and did you keep them to yourself
if you can, let it out
please put to rest, what may yet be undone
i just want to know for sure
that this was for the best
i never want to think of this as a regret
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[23 Jun 2005|12:59pm] |
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music |
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local h-bound for the floor |
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alright. i'm feeling pretty good right about now (funk show brotha). morning lessons were cool, little kids are kinda growing on me, i guess. after lessons i went to brenna's just for about 10 minutes. she had to go to work at 12:45. so now i'm just sitting here at my comp, eating a drumstick. the drumstick is pretty messy because someone left the freezer open all night on tuesday night and everything melted. oh well, still tastes the same, delicious.
and here's lindsay's license for those interested.
this past week has been all work. i've worked every day since my first day of work which was saturday. i'm definitely not complaining though. i really do love my job and i can't think anything better for me. i love being around the kids and the water, and i work with people i love. this is the first time in a long time that i can remember being this satisfied...and this tired. tomorrow will most likely be my first day off. i hope i have the courage to say "no" if someone asks me to fill in for them but it's hard to turn down hours and money. i'm supposed to go shopping with my girlfriend tomorrow but i don't have any money. such a bummer to go shopping broke. i should be getting my first paycheck in about a week. as you could guess i'm looking forward to that very much. i'll be having at least $400 coming my way. i'll let you know where that goes when i get it.
couldn't find any pictures of her on conan last night. but omg, this more than makes up for it.
so i got about 4 hours before i have to leave for evening lessons. you can find me napping, playing gta, and putting up more surfing posters. peace out, y'all.
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[18 Jun 2005|09:46pm] |
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music |
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C&C-Time Consumer (live) |
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today was my first day of work. i was pretty nervous going in but it turned out not being bad at all. the only scary thing that happened was getting audited. what are the chances of that happening on my first day? getting audited is when the company that trains you sends a guy out to your facility and video tapes (in this case, discs) you on the job. then a child dummy is placed in the pool (hopefully to be retrieved by a guard) and a mock spinal injury is staged. luckily i wasn't involved in any of that. the best part of it all was that the guy who was conducting the audit didn't record anything when it was done. i don't know if something was wrong with the camera or if he was just an idiot, but anyways, everything had to be done again. this time though, everybody was ready for it and it went smoothly.
guarding was very boring because it was sooo slow at the pool. shitty weather sucks. so i sat for 15 minutes by one pool, then walked and sat for 15 minutes by another, occasionally telling a little brat to walk or to get off the lane lines. in the guard room there was a nice new stack of purple schedules...that i wasn't on. what the fuck you guys? is it that hard to put my goddamn name on a piece of paper? ugh! i don't know whose fault it is but when i find out i'm going to tear them apart with some vicious rhetoric. i'm filling in for someone on tuesday (5am-1) and hopefully more people will hook me up with some hours. so anyway, i think i'm going to like it there. i already have some friends there (i think) and i met a lot of cool people today too. plus money is good. well, i know this update was boring, and for that i apologize. but in all fairness, you can suck it.
( red bull gives you what?! )
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[15 Jun 2005|01:21am] |
i'm loving summer. well ok, i don't love it but i definently "like like" it.
everyday is filled with nothing and it's very relaxing.
here's a breakdown of what i do:
~wake up between 12 and 1
~pee
~run errands (if my mom sees it fit for me to drive around everywhere right when i wake up)
-this has included: getting my work permit approved and turned in
getting fingerprinted for work
trying multiple times to turn in my papers to my boss
~play gta: san andreas for a few hours
~eat/pee (not simultaneously)
~get online to waste my life away until something better comes along (while eating)
~wait for brenna (and sometimes melissa) to come over
~have a monkeyball party until they leave.
~back on the comp to until about 2am (<--nerd!)
~then back to my room to play more san andreas til i pass out
last night, however, i stumbled upon something in the hallway.
( i thought she was outside )
could someone tell me how to make the lj-cut go down to where the pictures start? thanks.
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[12 Jun 2005|10:43pm] |
she's honest when she's drunk
i'm honest all the time
but sometimes that's honest way too much
but i cant learn to hide
what i feel the most
because my feelings sneak
up on me like a ghost
a thief that takes and leaves
my thoughts for everyone to see
so i put them on display
to show her how i feel thinking
maybe she'll feel the same way
but i know the truth
that it's better if i'm quiet
maybe if i hold it in
maybe just this once
who am i kidding?
you asked me to do
what i've only dreamed of
i had to say no
and it was for best
would things have been different
if i had given in
i'll always think of what we almost had
and what could've been
if just for one night
one moment to share
to hold for the rest of our lives
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[07 Jun 2005|10:47pm] |
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the ataris- in this diary |
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"being grown up, isn't half as fun as growing up. these are the best days of our lives."
god i hope that's wrong. i cant wait for it to be over. nothing can/should ever be as crazy and confusing as things are right now. don't you think things will become more clear as we get older? they should. won't wisdom set in? and won't we look back and wonder how we couldn't manage to figure out our teenage problems? i'm counting on it. i need to be able to understand. and it's going to be a big letdown if i'm still being confused and stressed about the same things ten years from now. it's going to make me wonder what the point of now was if i didn't learn anything. ugh, that's all i guess, sorry for rambling. i've just been frustrated and stressed a lot lately (for all the wrong reasons i'm told) which has in part led to this little outburst of cynicism.
fini
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thedeadquiet's journal